so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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