10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
