did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
