It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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