yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
