sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
