Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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