I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
