We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
