yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
