Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
