I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
