apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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