i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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