so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
