I wish life had little blips of pornography
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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