Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
