I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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