My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
