he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
