he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
