If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
