so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
