If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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