8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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