plz talk dirty to me
we have officially lost it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
