I love black thongs
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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