You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
