You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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