Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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