This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
