dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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