my soul wont recognize me after tonight
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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