Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
