Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
