i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
