My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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