you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
