1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
