my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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