so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
