plz talk dirty to me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
