i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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