so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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