my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Drunk is not a location!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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