Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
