I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
