Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
