hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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