you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
