and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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